When I Let You Down
by Darks Light
Summary: sequel to When I needed You,Yaoi Tala's gone and done it now stubboness is not always a good quality especially when it could cost the life of someone dear to him "...he had lost a great deal of blood..." please give it a go n R&R UPDATED CHP 4 UP
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own beyblade and if I did I doubt I could do as good a job anyway

AN: This is a sequel to a story of mine done some time ago called _**When I Needed You**_... so you might like to read it first to get a better idea of whats happened... up to you... it might work as a stand alone story... we'll see, please and review all the same... it makes me happy .

**When I Let You Down  
By Darks Light**

I brush away a few strands of crimson hair allowing me to watch the clear glass doors slide silently open in front of me as I stand in the rain panting heavily; I'm nearly there. I walk inside, quickly closing my eyes slightly at the unusual onslaught of the fluorescent lights that light up the interior of the building. I open my eyes again agitated still by the brightness of everything as I try and register where I am.

The wind blows in a mist of rain sending chills up my spine and under the stern glare of some lady at a desk I move to the side allowing the doors to slowly close behind me. I collapse against the wall, quickly wrapping my arms around my bare chest, the realisation of how cold it is in here finally hitting me; should have grabbed a jacket or something.

I shake my head, instantly remembering why I ran all the way here in the first place; Kai. I had to see Kai. I need to apologise; need to make sure he's alright. I look around the waiting room of sorts, glaring at those giving me weird looks. So I'm half dressed and soaked through by the rain, Kai's sudden decision to go kill himself didn't leave me much time to get dressed properly, let alone wait around for a cab.

I shake my head and curse myself for being so stubborn, if I had just talked to him or at least listened to him this might never of happened, but then again it mightn't of happened had e stayed with me. No. I cant blame him, not now, especially with the situation we're in at the moment…anyway I would have left also… if I had somewhere to go that is; we all would. I sigh glancing around wondering if this was even the right hospital. Kenny had found me in the middle of the road and apologised about hanging up on me; he thought it more important that he got Kai professional help. This was the hospital he thought he would be taken to.

I walk over to the lady at the front desk and stand there glancing anxiously around the brightly lit room; it's not supposed to be this bright after twelve in the morning.  
"How may I hep you?"  
I here the lady ask in a please-step-away-from-my-desk-your-dripping-everywhere voice, as she looks up over the rim of her glasses at me.  
"I need you to tell me where I can find Kai," I demand of her but she just looks at me.  
"Who?" She asks, in an annoying tone of superiority.  
"Kai Hiwatari!" I snap at her, I've been given one last chance at maybe seeing Kai alive again and here I am wasting it dealing with this lady. I look around at the various halls and corridors that branch off this room, contemplating whether I'd have more luck finding Kai on my own. I shake my head, this place looked large enough from the outside, who's to know where they'd put someone like Kai besides someone like this lady.

"Sorry we have no record of anyone under that name currently being treated here," she tells me dully.  
"What!" Igasp in disbelief, don't tell me I ran all the way to the wrong hospital. The lady just glares at me and dismisses me with a wave of her hand. I go to yell at her but I stop myself, that'll probably only just get me thrown out of here and then I'll never know if I'm at the right place or not.

"Kai Hiwatari… tried to kill himself… was probably only brought here no more then an hour ago," I tell the lady, refusing to move when she tries to dismiss me again.  
"Sorry Sir but I have no record of any such person being treated here, now if you wouldn't mind taking a seat I'll call you over as soon as I get some information regarding this Tai person."  
"Its Kai!" I yell, but go to move away from the desk as I notice her reaching for the phone.

"Are you referring to the boy just brought in 45 minutes ago?"  
I spin around to see a guy in a white coat standing beside the desk; he must of come from one of the corridors.  
"If his names Kai, yes," I tell the doctor, relieved that someone who might actually have taken the time to take notice of what's going on around them has appeared.  
"We have no known name, as he's incapable at the moment of giving us one."  
I hear the doctor explain instantly making me worry about Kai.  
"… two toned hair…triangular tattoos on his face…"  
"That's the one," the doctor interrupts me as he takes a pen off the lady at the desk.

"What did you say his name was?"  
"Kai, Kai Hiwatari," I tell him, slightly relieved that I'm actually at the right place.  
"Is he alright?" I ask, my hopes plummeting at the look on the doctor's face.  
"You've got to understand that by the time we reached him he had lost a great deal of blood…"


	2. Chapter 2

I run down plain hallway after plain hallway not clear where I'm going… they wouldn't give me directions… they said I couldn't see him. Well the doctor made the mistake of mentioning Intensive Care… there has to be directions somewhere around here. I turn another corner but quickly back track at the sight of more hospital staff. Are they looking for me? Or have they just assumed someone will find me and take me back to them?

It doesn't matter let them search, I must find Kai… I need to see him; to apologise. I stop and look at a sign on the wall sighing in relief; finally some directions. I take off down the left hallway of an intersection in the direction the sign had told me. My minds berating me for being so careless with Kai; but how was I supposed to know I meant so much to him when he was willing to leave me behind.

I sigh as I reach the wing of the hospital labelled 'Intensive Care' and look down along the room lined hallways, there's so many of them… and so many doctors and nurses walking around. I start at one end walking along and peering through the windowed doors searching for Kai; I find him. I stop and look through the window at him, lying spread out on one of the hospital beds, motionless. I hear voices and quickly dart around a corner as a doctor and a nurse come out of Kai's room; it should be empty now.

I quietly open the door and slip inside letting it close softly behind me, as I look down at the boy in front of me a feeling of guilt wrapping around my heart, constricting it. This is all my fault. I step closer looking down at Kai, it looks like he's sleeping peacefully, to peacefully. He looks like he's died and been lain out for a open coffin funeral… I shake my head. No he's not dead; I can see his chest rising ever so slightly with each breath. I run a finger gently along his cheek, the usual blue defensive triangles had been removed, his arm bandaged lying limply beside him… I sigh, it's my fault he's here like this, I let him down… I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most.

"He's fine… well stable."  
I quickly spin around at the sound of a voice behind me to see a younger male doctor standing by the door smiling at me.  
"Seems you've caused quite a lot of trouble back at the main desk," I hear him say, as he pulls up a chair and sits down by the door, looking at the clipboard in his hand and then at me and back again.  
"You must be Tala."

I stiffen, startled that he knew my name but he just smiles at me and indicates for me to take a seat, I look around the room spotting the remaining chair before pulling it over to beside Kai's hospital bed. I sit down and look at the doctor still uncertain how he knew my name or whether he's contacted the main desk or security.  
"A boy named Kenny phoned up a moment ago and talked to the lady at the main desk, he gave her your name after recognising the description she gave him. And don't worry I haven't informed anyone of where you are, they've probably assumed you've left or got lost so you can relax."

I nod, letting my guard slip slightly and look back at Kai.  
"What's…" I try and ask, but I don't know how to phrase what I want to know.  
"He's in some form of coma, well that is what my supervisor has diagnosed it as," I hear him tell me.  
"Personally I think it's good for coma patients, especially those who have just tried to kill themselves, to have someone present. Just talk to him, it doesn't matter if he doesn't respond, after all no one is ever really asleep."

I look over at him as he stands, returning the chair to its previous position against the far wall and out of the way. I stare at him uncertainly, wondering where it is he's going now.  
"You can stay here for awhile… I'll tell main desk that you were escorted out, however you'll have to leave soon. You're friend, Kenny is coming up here, we've assigned you a room in the adjoining building reserved for family or close friends of patients," I hear him tell me, as he walks out the door I consider telling him that Kenny and the others aren't my friends but I let it slide as I look back at Kai; he's why I'm here.  
"Kai… I'm sorry," I whisper.


	3. Chapter 3

…Kai's POV…

It's dark… or I'm just surrounded by nothingness. Am I dead? Sadly I don't think so… I think I still feel alive. I hear whispering, soft whispering coming from some distant place but I ignore it… what use would listening get me… I'm supposed to be dead... no,I want to be dead. I look around though there's nothing to see when you're surrounded by nothingness and for some reason it doesn't seem to bother me.

I walk with no destination, scarcely remembering how I came to be in this state... All I can remember is the ambulance staff… they were trying to stop me, to keep me tied to the reality I was trying so hard to escape from, they didn't understand. Someone must have told them… someone must have found me to soon… but who's up that early in the morning? The only one besides Tala would be Kenny... but he should know not to disturb me… but what does it matter… he's attempts to save me wont work… I'm not going to wake up from this… whatever this is I don't care… it's the closest thing to escaping I can find when I'm not even allowed to take my own life.

I don't know why I wasn't just allowed to die, it's not as if I had any special purpose, I was just there. I've always been just there. I was an outcast, someone who just didn't fit the mould of the always-cheerful people around me. They're better off without me. I didn't belong there; I was an outsider, out of place among their happy activities. I was different, I didn't belong and I remember feeling as though I was an intruder who always seemed to cast a dark shadow on things. They'll be better off without me… it shouldn't be too long, they'll allow me to die sooner or later; they cant stop the inevitable no matter how hard they try to delay it. There's just nothing left for me there.

The darkness is fading and landscape appears, it looks familiar, even more so when I see Tala… and the whispering returns, slightly louder and the voice sounds familiar... I guess it's a memory I'm viewing… Tala looks much more younger, more glad to see me… I smile… can you smile when you're in coma? I guess it doesn't matter… this is just a memory after all, Tala's probably still at his apartment… still mad at me… wherever he is, whatever he's doing… I guess it doesn't matter anymore… he didn't understand. I guess he couldn't see… see how much he really meant to me… he couldn't see how deep my love for him was. Unrequited loves a bitch and I'd die sooner or later…

I keep walking as the nothingness returns until another memory appears. It's of Tala and I again, we're at the beach, just relaxing in the shade of the trees doing nothing in particular just being there. I wonder if he would remember what I told him… if he saw me how I am now would he be able to link it to that memory. The time where I let him in on how much I was enjoying just being here with him… how if I could, I would've stayed there with him for the rest of eternity… to fall into unconsciousness just to be able to constantly recall the times when everything was good… when everything was working out for me… a place where nothing could ruin that. Sadly I doubt he would… I doubt he would even be able to recall that time even if I did remind him. There's a voice in the background of the nothingness… a familiar voice calling out to me… I walk faster.

_Kai?... Kai please... you have to snap out of this..._

I wont wake up, I wont snap out of this because there's nothing left in the land of the living for me to return to… nothing… the only thing… the only one I wanted to be with has left me… Tala… he wants nothing to do with me… I guess I may have done this for him and not just myself… maybe… after all 'out of sight isout of mind' if I were to die he would forget about me, the hurt he felt when I left… I said I was sorry; I guess he doesn't care. Unrequited love is something I don't want to live with, something I don't think I could handle living with… so I chose not to live… tried to at least… the voice is back… it sounds as if its pleading, begging even… I shake my head; pathetic that someone would reduce themselves to that for me. Probably Kenny trying to do the impossible, though it doesn't sound like him… so who is it? Why amI so special to them that they'd beg for me to wake up?

_Kai... please dont let it end like this... just wake up so i can talk to you..._

I sigh in frustration, I don't understand why they just cant let me die, why people are so keen to play with peoples lives… do they think they're gods! That they can just come and choose whether I should live or die! I make my own choices; this one will be no different. They can try all they want… it will all end in failure, there's nothing left for me back there… he probably wont even notice… wont even care… he didn't on the phone… he wasn't there for me like he promised who would be… but that seems so long ago. I wont wake up… there would be no point… it would defeat the purpose of taking my own life in the first place, I'm sorry but all your efforts are to go to waste.

The voice is back… it's clearer but still distant… I guess curiosity is getting the better of me, making me want to listen… who would care if I lived or died?… it's pleading with me, asking me to please wake up. Why wake up? Why keep myself alive when what I've lived for has… has… it doesn't matter; they have to let me die, sooner or later they'll have to let me die. Sooner or later this voice will go… will stop apologising… why it's doing that I don't know… I don't understand…

_Kai... i love you... _

Why... why would someone say something like that... to me of all people...

.  
..Tada! 3rd chapter! what do you think? should he die or wake up? opinions are welcomed: ) take care!


	4. Chapter 4

…Tala's POV…

I stop my whispering hearing someone else enter the room, I turn around to see one of the hospital staff standing in the doorway with Kenny and Rei,  
"Tyson, Max and Hilary are at the rooms reserved for us in the adjoining family and friends building," Kenny commented, eyeing Kai and the monitoring machine attached to him.  
"What happened?"  
I looked over at Rei, I guess Kenny didn't tell him. I looked back at Kai, placing my hand on his, I wasn't going to tell him, I don't think Kai would have wanted people to know, know how easily he had given into this.

"He's stable but is trapped in what you could call a state of coma." I shifted my attention once again at the sound of a familiar voice; it was the young doctor from when I had first snuck into this room. I guess he was trying to answer Rei's question without giving away to much, I should probably thank him later, at least for letting me stay in here with Kai.  
"Tala, we have to leave now." I hear Kenny saying, but I don't want to leave, I want to stay here with Kai, I want him to wake up and when he does I want to be here to apologise.

"Our rooms are in the adjoining building, you can come back in the morning but for now we have to leave or they'll kick you out." I heard Rei say, placing a hand on my shoulder, I wish he wouldn't, I wish they'd all go away and leave me alone, leave me alone with Kai. However, I know that's not to be, they know I'm here and that lady at the desk is probably eager to see me out of here.  
"Just give me five minutes," I tell them, not even bothering to look at them but I hear them leave one by one.  
"We'll wait for you in the hallway," I hear Kenny say, as he shuts the door and finally there's silence, I'm alone with Kai once again.

…Kai's POV…

The voice is back… it vanished for a while replaced with muffled sounds, I don't know what's going on but do I really care? Do I really want to know? I don't know any more. The voice is at it again, pleading with me… I don't understand why but I don't mind the voice; I don't mind that maybe someone does want me alive. But who? Would Tala want me alive? Does Tala even know I'm here? Does he even know what has happened… what I have done? Do I want him to know? I don't think I do, he wouldn't be pleased, probably disgusted at how weak I've turned out. Yes. Weak, that's all I am, weak and worthless.

However that's not what the voice is telling me… this familiar voice whispering in the back of my mind pleading with me to wake up, apologising over and over again. I don't know why. Who does the voice belong to? Why are they apologising to me? So many questions, it almost makes me want to wake up even if I was only alive long enough to know who would sit by my side all this time trying to get me to wake up. Don't they know most coma patients die instead of waking up… will I wake up? Will I die? I don't know. Before I was so set on my on death… before the voice came pleading and apologising saying they should have known. How could they have known? I don't know. No one could have known, my teamates just assumed I was being as I always was; distant. The only one who I talked with that night was Tala. He would be the only one who might have figured it out.

I suddenly feel anxious. Maybe the voice is Tala's, maybe it was himwho called these people to come and get me. It's a nice thought, that Tala would still want me alive, want me alive enough to plead with me to wake up, but it's just a thought, a possibility; nothing's for certain. Though it would be nice, yes, I would want the voice to be Tala's. I would wake up for that, to know that Tala wasn't mad, that he didn't hate me. If all the things the voice has said was said by Tala. I want to wake up just to see… just to see if maybe Tala might still care.

The voice is still talking, but it's getting fainter and faster. It's harder to pick up. And then I grasp what is being said; the voice is leaving, going away. Why? I don't know, but something inside of me doesn't want it to go away, I want it to stay. In my mind I'm calling out to it, calling out to Tala to stay with me. But I know, in the real world I haven't said a thing. And the voice is gone, I am alone again, alone in my own darkness and sinking fast. I want the voice to return; I want to wake up.


End file.
